Summer Nights
by miseradreamer
Summary: Quinn has spent half of her summer drunk and angry at the girl who keeps taking everything away from her. Rachel Berry. Her plans for the rest of her summer are the same, but Rachel once again gets in the way. This time, Quinn maybe doesn't mind as much.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** I haven't written Glee before and it's been awhile since I've written smut, but since Faberry is my new obsession, I bring a Glee fic, with lots of smut. Mostly smut.

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><p>Summer was supposed to be a time to sit back and relax, without having to worry about the pressures of high school and day to day expectations, but Quinn Fabray felt anything but relaxed. She stood gazing out of her kitchen window at her mother, who was lounging in a lawn chair with a romance novel in one hand and a long island ice tea in the other, while a second alcohol infused ice tea sat on the patio table waiting for her to finish the first. She glanced over at the clock on the wall, confirming the fact that it was only 9 AM and she shook her had as her mother polished off the first drink and began sipping on the other. Her mother could definitely be classified as an alcoholic and Quinn was fully aware that as a dutiful daughter she should be planning an intervention to get her the help she needed, but she could not seem to find the strength. It was probably in most part due to the fact that at that moment, she was also sipping on a long island ice tea, with more of long island in it than tea. It just seemed too hypocritical to bring up her mother's drinking issues when, since she had returned from New York, she seemed to have adopted the same issues.<p>

_Like mother, like daughter_, she thought and chuckled bitterly, polishing off the rest of her drink and taking a fresh glass from the cabinet. She filled both glasses two-thirds full of a mixture of vodka, tequila, rum, gin, and triple sec, and the rest with the drink mix, before carrying the glasses out onto their deck. She set one drink beside her mother as she collapsed back into another lounge chair on the opposite side of the table. In the month of summer break that had passed, she had become a very knowledgeable bartender and she knew the maximum amount of alcohol to add to each drink before it was too strong for her to ingest. She liked her drinks strong. It meant less time she would have to spend sober.

"Thank you, Quinny," her mother smiled at her before turning her attention back to her book.

Quinn sipped on her ice tea, silently counting how many drinks her mother had polished off so far that day and how many she had herself. If her count was correct, which could easily be off since she was more than a little tipsy, she was on her fourth drink and her mother was on her sixth. No matter how hard she tried, she would never be able to compete with a pro. It wasn't really a competition, but it gave her mind something to think about before it settled into its usual depression.

New York had been her breaking point. Not because they had lost Nationals, that honestly did not even matter to her, but losing Finn and then have him kissing _her_, on stage at their performance for the whole world to rub it in her face, that was what killed her. She used to have the perfect boyfriend and she lost him to that little dwarf, twice. But even as she thought about it more, it was not about Finn either. It was about how alone she was. The entire Glee club had paired off and she was left standing alone, with no one left for her and no one that even cared to remember she was there. No one feared her anymore. No one admired her anymore. No one even cared about her anymore. She didn't even have a single person she could count on and call a friend. Sometimes she wondered if she just disappeared completely, if anyone would notice.

What was even worse than all that loneliness and self-loathing, the drunker she got, the more her thoughts would dwell on a certain little troll that had ruined her life. By the time 10 PM rolled around and she could no longer feel her limbs, the tears would stream down her cheeks for reasons that she could not understand, but only knew that it was because of one, Rachel Berry.

Her phone rang from inside her jeans pocket, jarring her from her personal pity party as she fished into her jeans and pulled it out. She checked the caller ID before answering, even though it was not necessary because the only person who called her these days was Santana, and sure enough it was her.

She tried to clear the lump in her throat before answering, but that lump had been stuck there since Finn had broken up with her in his truck and it still wasn't budging, so her voice sounded hoarse as she said, "Hello."

"Hey Q, what are you doing," Santana asked from the other end of the phone, although she knew exactly what Quinn was doing, since the former head cheerleader had the same daily routine for the past month.

"Same thing I do everyday," Quinn sighed, glancing over at her mother who had fallen asleep in her chair sometime between drink tallying and self-loathing. She cradled the phone between her shoulder and her ear as she picked up her half empty drink, along with the one that she had brought out to her mother, but had remained untouched, and went back inside her house, settling down on the couch in front of the TV.

"Getting wasted," Santana filled in for her, but her voice didn't sound disappointed or judgemental and Quinn was silently thankful that at least Santana wasn't trying to give her shit for it.

"Uh huh," was all Quinn replied, before she downed the rest of her ice tea and pushed the empty glass across the coffee table, away from herself, while pulling the fresh drink closer.

"Come out with Brit and me tonight," Santana said excitedly. "There's a beach party in Lima Heights, well to be more accurate there is a pool party with a beach theme."

"Why do you need to have a theme at a pool party," Quinn asked dryly, absently changing the channels on the TV and not actually looking to see what was on any of them.

"Who cares," Santana answered, "There's going to be plenty of booze and boys to keep you happy."

"Great, now I sound like an alcoholic slut," Quinn murmured under her breath, but thought that it might be nice to have an excuse for her drinking for once. She decided that she would probably feel less of an alcoholic if she wasn't drinking alone and although she had closed herself off from the rest of the world for the better part of the summer, it might be a good idea to get out there and have a little fun. Maybe she could even meet someone there. Someone who wasn't Finn or Sam or Puck. Some hot, new and exciting guy to sweep her away from all her McKinley High troubles. "Ok, I'm in."

"Brits and I will be there at eight," Santana responded quickly and Quinn can hear the smile she was wearing in her voice. The line went dead and Quinn put her phone down on the coffee table as she took another sip of her drink. She should feel excited. The old Quinn would be. Instead, she felt empty and she wanted to call Santana back and tell her that she had changed her mind, but she resisted the urge and finished her drink.

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><p>By the time Santana's expensive car rolled up in Quinn's driveway at 8:15 PM, she was already dressed to kill. She had taken an afternoon nap to sleep off her morning drinks, but had started up again when she woke up, so she was feeling a happy buzz. She had searched her wardrobe for the perfect outfit to wear and decided, since it was beach themed, to just wear a black string bikini top and a pair of cut off blue jean shorts. The air was hot and humid outside and she didn't think she would get cold, but she rationalized that if she did, she would just have to drink some more. That made everything better. She decided to go with smokey eyes for the occasion and settled with cherry flavoured lip gloss for her naturally red lips, while her short blond hair was tousled and wild.<p>

When she opened the door for Santana and Brittany, Santana clapped her hands in appreciation and noted, "Finally you've taken a page from my books."

"You look hot," Brittany nodded in agreement.

"Thanks," Quinn smiled, it had been a long time since she had been complimented and it felt good. It almost felt like she was on top again, but she knew she wasn't even close. She took the last few sips of the cosmopolitan she had made for herself before they had come and set the empty glass down on the kitchen table and followed the girls out.

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><p>It was late when they arrived at the party, around ten o'clock, because Brittany had needed to stop for food and by the time they ate and were back on their way, time had already flown by. As they pulled up to the house the party was at, they could already tell that it was in full force, as the cars were parked all down the street and the music was blaring from the backyard. They made their way to the side of the house, where the gate was, and followed a stream of people as they entered the pool area.<p>

"Do we know who's party this is," Quinn asked Santana once they were inside. She didn't really care, but it was something to say while she scanned through the crowd looking for the alcohol.

"One of the football players," Santana shrugged and Quinn looked back at her, finding Santana and Brittany already relaxing into the party atmosphere and holding hands. She knew it wouldn't be long before they disappeared together and she was left on her own, so she decided to leave them on her own accord.

"I'm going to find the bar," she yelled at them over the music and they both nodded at her indifferently, before running off to the dance area. Quinn found the bar within seconds and grabbed two bottles of beer, giving the boy who was manning the keg a smile as she walked away. She twisted both caps off the bottles and found an empty spot against the fence to lean on by the pool. Sipping her beers, she took a moment to survey the crowd and find some potentials. So far she had gotten quite a few head turns, but she could not seem to muster up any kind of feelings towards the guys that were giving them to her. They were cute, good looking, perfect for every other girl, but for some reason they just weren't right for Quinn. She started to wonder if Finn had broken her, or done something to the chemical balance within her brain. Why was she suddenly not attracted to anyone? Finn had been right about one thing, she didn't seem to feel anything anymore. Her body and mind had gone completely numb to everything around her and sometimes she found herself digging her nails into her thighs, watching the red half moon imprints appear in her skin and wondering why it didn't hurt.

The alcohol from earlier had settled into her blood stream and the beer that she was drinking now was pushing her from a little tipsy to flat out drunk. Luckily she was a functioning drunk, or at least she thought she was. Then she realized that most people probably thought they were functioning drunks, which made her wonder if she actually was.

She polished off one of her beers and littered the empty bottle on the ground carelessly, as she closed her eyes and swayed slightly to the music. Listening to all the random conversations around her, she could pick out one guy who was using outdated pick up lines to try to flirt with a girl, while a girl somewhere to the left of her was talking about hair extensions.

"Quinn," she heard a familiar girl squeal and she forced her eyes open, finding a very excited looking Rachel Berry staring straight at her, "Oh my god, it's Quinn guys!"

"Fuck," Quinn swore under her breath. Berry was the last person that she wanted to see at this party and of course, with her luck, she's the first one that picks her out of the crowd. She hates that Rachel sounds so happy to see her, like they're friends, like they care about each other. There was no one that got under her skin like Rachel Berry did and she did it with such innocence in her eyes that it made Quinn sick. Somehow, this loser had managed to get the whole world to bow at her feet and revolve around her, but there was no way Quinn would ever jump on that crazy train. She could not understand what people saw in her. Berry was the school loser, since when had the world turned upside down and made her queen?

Mike and Tina followed behind Rachel, but they only gave Quinn a wave as they continued on to the bar. Quinn wasn't so lucky with Rachel, who was trying to skip towards her, but had obviously had too many drinks to remember how to. Quinn forced a smile and clenched her jaw tightly, "Hey Rachel."

"I didn't think I'd see you here, I haven't seen you anywhere all summer," Rachel slurred, standing so close to Quinn she could smell the vodka on her breath, and to the alcoholic Quinn, that actually smelled good. Quinn could not believe that she couldn't even succeed at being drunker than Rachel Berry, especially when she had a head start, and glancing over Rachel's white knee-high socks, pink plaid short skirt and spaghetti strap white tank top, she even might have been a cuter drunk than Quinn was. Quinn stopped herself and tried to back track on what her thoughts had run over, wondering if she had really just associated Rachel Berry with cute. She decided to drink more instead so as she watched Rachel sway in front of her with a blissful smile, which made Quinn wonder what on earth she was so happy about, Quinn downed her second beer and tossed it away. Rachel's eyes followed the bottle in the air and her body moved towards it, "You dropped your beer."

Quinn quickly grabbed on to Rachel's shoulders before she could go chasing after the empty bottle and shook her head, "It was empty."

Rachel's lips formed a perfect 'o' but no sound came out until her eyes suddenly lit up and she gasped, "Litterer!"

"Rachel, shut up," Quinn sighed, releasing her hold on her and letting her hands fall to her sides, the elf was killing her drunken state and it was really beginning to annoy her. Suddenly, a thought occurred to her and Quinn took a quick look around the yard, but when she did not spot who she was looking for she turned back to Rachel, "Where's Finn?"

Rachel gave her an over enthusiastic shrug and her eyes closed, causing her to sway a little too far to the left and she grabbed on to Quinn's forearm to help keep her steady, "Dunno. We broke up. Again."

Quinn tried not to smile, but she couldn't help herself. It might have been the first real smile she had all summer. Then she realized that Rachel's hand was sliding down her forearm and she drunkenly enjoyed the sensation for a moment, before she realized the reason her hand was sliding down was because Rachel was slowly falling over. Quinn found herself laughing at her lightly and shook her head, putting her hands on Rachel's upper arms and turning them around slowly so that Rachel was the one leaning back on the fence. Maybe it was the alcohol that was heating her veins, or maybe hearing about their break up had just inexplicably cheered her up, but for some reason being around Rachel did not seem as bad as it was the two minutes prior, "How much have you had to drink tonight?"

Rachel's eyes half opened, which Quinn decided was probably as much as she could open them in her state, and then replied, "Why? Do I look drunk?"

"You look wasted," Quinn laughed, but the music had picked up behind her and her voice was lost with it.

"What," Rachel screamed at her, furrowing her brow in confusion as she leaned her head in closer to Quinn to hear her.

Quinn leaned in to Rachel, placing her hands on either side of her on the fence in case Rachel started sliding again and to balance herself as well, and then moved her lips by Rachel's ear and said again, "You look wasted."

When Quinn pulled back there was a big grin on her face and Rachel threw her head back and giggled for a moment before Rachel screamed back at her, "You look beautiful" and brought one of her hands up and rested it on Quinn's chest.

Quinn's heart stopped and she froze. It wasn't the words that hit her, it wasn't the first time Rachel had complimented her on her looks and although the words for some reason meant something more to her than a compliment from Santana or Brittany, that wasn't what was triggering her sudden paralysis. It was the warm, tan hand that was resting on her bare chest, covering her heart, that was unmistakeably causing her to feel something inside her. Something that she had been waiting to feel for a long time, because she had never felt it with Finn or any of the other guys, even if she had pretended to feel it. Something that a single touch should not have the capability to create. But it was there and no matter how badly she didn't want it to be there, not for this person, she could not will it away. She felt an overpowering sense of attraction and she could not believe that her numbness had been cured by a simple inebriated touch by _her_. She had been waiting so long to finally feel something again and when her body and mind had finally awoken and were telling her that yes this one is right, this is what you want, it was the freaking hobbit, Rachel fucking Berry, that provoked her body's desire.

"Are you okay," Rachel asked, and there was a wash of concern filling her dazed brown eyes. She removed her hand from Quinn's chest and reached up, lightly cupping Quinn's face in both hands, "You don't look so good."

Quinn's head was spinning and she kept trying to tell herself that it was from the alcohol, but the feeling of Rachel's warm hands on her face was sending shivers all through her body. She closed her eyes, sucking in a long breath of air and took hold of Rachel's delicate wrists, taking a moment to enjoy the feel of the smooth skin beneath her finger tips, before using all of her inner strength to remove the soft hands, that felt so excruciatingly good, from her face. The cool empty air that replaced them made her regret it immediately, but she opened her eyes and forced a smile, "I'm just really drunk."

"Me too," Rachel grinned and suddenly launched herself off the fence and wrapped her arms around Quinn's neck, pulling her into a tight embrace. Stunned, every muscle in Quinn's body tensed as she felt every part of the shorter girl's body pressed tightly against her own, reminding her about just how little clothing she was wearing, and just how much skin Rachel was exposing. The spinning in Quinn's head increased as she grew conscious of the small breasts pressed against her own and the firm bare thighs that were brushing with hers. She also realized that Rachel wasn't letting go of her, instead she was starting to sway from side to side as if they were dancing to some kind of slow song, even though the stereo was blasting anything but. With every movement Rachel made, Quinn's body betrayed her, causing small tremors to erupt every time Rachel's chest moved up against her own and Quinn could not let it go on. It was too much for her to take. Quinn put her hands on Rachel's hips and gently pushed her back against the fence. Rachel's eyes were closed and she was still swaying to the beat in her head and Quinn felt a sudden longing for their bodies to be pressed together again.

She decided she must be desperate. That could be the only explanation to her body's sudden need for Rachel Berry. It had been a long time since she had been close enough to someone to touch them and the lack of intimacy had to be getting to her. There was no possible way she could be falling for Rachel Berry. Even if she couldn't seem to take her eyes off the way Rachel's lips were glistening under the outdoor lighting, and even if the way Rachel's tongue slipped out and moistened those lips made her lick her own lips in the same fashion. Rachel's eyes opened slowly and the coy smile that tickled her lips told Quinn that through Rachel's drunken stupor, she was still aware of the effect that she was having on Quinn.

Quinn decided to play dumb, "What are you smiling like that for?"

Rachel bit her bottom lip and lightly pressed her finger to the hollow between Quinn's collarbones, slowly tracing a path down Quinn's bare chest and stopping just above the string in the middle of her bikini, holding the two cups together. She hooked her finger around it and pulled on it lightly, "You think I'm pretty."

It was a statement and not a question, and it caused a blush to spread all over Quinn. She pushed Rachel's hand away and gave her best head bitch glare, "You wish, man hands."

Then it suddenly hit her as she swallowed thickly, watching Rachel biting down on her bottom lip, she did think Rachel was pretty. Her short perverse school girl skirts and tight fitting shirts that she constantly wore, god help her, Quinn didn't just think she was pretty, she thought she was beautiful. She hadn't been angry because she had lost Finn, she was angry because she had lost him to _her_. Because she wanted _her_.

Her body was screaming at her to reach out and touch her and despite the both of them being drunk, Rachel appeared to be more than willing. The fact that Rachel was willing also surprised her. She had never gotten any kind of lesbian vibe from the girl who spent the majority of her time chasing after Finn. She had caught Rachel staring at her every now and then, but when you're Quinn Fabray, you get lots of girls staring at you and wishing they could be you. She had always assumed that Rachel was staring at her for the same reasons, but maybe it was a whole other reason entirely. All of a sudden she needed to know why it was that Rachel and Finn had broken up.

"What happened with you and Finn," Quinn asked and Rachel's body immediately slumped at the question.

"Although I care deeply for Finn, I realized that he wasn't the perfect person for me," Rachel shrugged simply.

Quinn wondered if Finn wasn't the perfect person, because Rachel had someone else on her mind. Someone like her. She was feeling dizzy again and she placed her hand on the fence, beside Rachel's head to steady herself. Rachel's eyes closed again as she tilted her head and her silky hair brushed against Quinn's hand and tickled her wrist. Quinn inched her hand over, tangling it in a few of the strands and marvelled at how soft it felt between her fingers. She wrapped a larger piece around her fingers and then realized that Rachel had opened her eyes again and she was staring at her. The hazy flirty look in her eyes was gone, along with the drunken smile, and instead the doe innocence that was usually in her eyes stared back at Quinn, as if her sober self had caught up with her drunken self and realized what they were doing. Then it was just Quinn and Rachel standing there and although the alcohol was still coursing within them, it was not overpowering their actions. Quinn's hand ventured further into Rachel's hair and tangled at the back of her head, where she held onto her hair and firmly pulled her head backwards. She never broke eye contact with Rachel, searching for any indication in those honey brown eyes that this was not what she wanted, but as her eyes darkened and her lips parted, she knew that this was exactly what Rachel wanted and it was what she was waiting for.

Rachel's mouth opened slightly as Quinn leaned forward, gripping Rachel's waist with her free hand and pulling her hips against her own. A soft moan of surprise slipped from Rachel's lips and the sound only amplified Quinn's need, alleviating her uncertainties, and her lips came crashing down onto Rachel's. The kiss was hard and rough and after Rachel had taken a second to get over the initial shock, she was kissing back with the same ferocity and want that Quinn had. One of Rachel's hands found its way to the small of her back, while the other was pressed firmly to Quinn's bare stomach, where her muscles were twitching from the contact. Rachel sucked Quinn's bottom lip, then bit down and tugged on it before releasing it and opened her eyes to look at Quinn. The bite had sent all kinds of shivers through Quinn's body and straight towards the wetness that had been forming between her legs.

"Don't do that," Quinn growled at her.

"Why not," Rachel whispered, and showing a sort of fear in her eyes that she thought she was doing it wrong.

Quinn ran her tongue over her swollen lip to soothe it, not sure if she should let Rachel in on the secret, and then answered before she could decide, "Because it turns me on too much."

Rachel's eyes turned down to the ground and a rosy blush covered her cheeks as she smiled. Quinn gave her that moment, before tightening her hold on Rachel's hair and pulling her head back again. Rachel waited for them to kiss but Quinn didn't move, she just stood there looking into Rachel's eyes before finally whispering so quietly that Rachel almost couldn't hear her over the music, "Is this making you wet, Rachel?"

Rachel wanted to nod, but the tight hold on her hair was preventing her head from moving so she swallowed and said, "Yes."

Quinn nodded and said with determination, "So this is what's going to happen. We're gonna catch a cab and I'm gonna take you home with me. Any questions?"

Rachel's eyes widened, but she couldn't formulate any words, so Quinn released her hold on her hair and Rachel shook her head 'no'.

"Then let's go," Quinn said, grabbing Rachel's hand and pulling her through the crowded yard.

"I should tell-," Rachel called after her, but Quinn immediately interrupted her.

"You can text them in the cab."

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><p>The cab ride back to Quinn's house was spent in silence and Quinn didn't even chance a look at Rachel, even though she could feel her glancing over at her every few minutes. She figured that if she allowed herself to gaze over at her she would either realize that this was a terrible idea, or forget they were in the back of a cab and take her right there. Neither of which she wanted right now. So when they finally got to her house, Quinn had quickly tossed the bills at the cab driver and bounded towards her front door, leaving Rachel to run to catch up.<p>

"Don't worry about being quiet," Quinn noted as she pushed the front door open. "My mother will be in another one of her liquor induced comas."

Rachel didn't respond and Quinn led her through the house and up the stairs to her room, closing the door behind them. When she turned around, she found Rachel walking around her room, absently touching objects as if she was trying to learn all the secrets about Quinn Fabray. She leaned back against the door and watched Rachel until the dark haired girl finally turned her attention towards her. Quinn could tell Rachel was nervous as she shifted uncomfortably on the spot and couldn't decide where she should put her hands. Quinn could tell that she wanted to say something to break the silence, but she couldn't think of a thing to say.

"This isn't," Quinn said and then paused, realizing that it probably was, "Is this your first time?"

"Having sex or being with a girl," Rachel asked with a nervous half smile.

"Both," Quinn questioned, watching her reaction carefully in case Rachel decided to try to lie to her.

"Yes," Rachel replied and glanced all around the room, to anywhere but Quinn, "To both."

She felt obligated to tell Rachel that they didn't have to do this if she didn't want to, but it seemed like a silly thing to say since Rachel never did anything she didn't want to do. She had no doubt in her mind that if Rachel didn't want this, she would stop her.

"What about you," Rachel asked, pulling Quinn from her thoughts.

"What," Quinn asked, the question seemed unnecessary since she had had spent her sophomore year pregnant.

"Well obviously I know you've had sex before, but have you ever been with another girl," Rachel asked, her eyes were now switching between Quinn and a spot on the door behind her.

"I have done some things with Santana," she admitted, "but not to the extent Brittany has gone."

"So this would be your first time too," Rachel asked and this time her eyes were focused solely on Quinn.

"Yea, I guess so," Quinn nodded. Rachel was fidgeting with her fingers and Quinn closed the distance between them and halted Rachel's hand movements by taking them in her own. "Relax."

"I keep expecting you to suddenly throw a slushie in my face and start laughing," Rachel admitted, once again dropping her eyes to the carpet.

Quinn put a finger under her chin and lightly tilted her head up, giving Rachel a reassuring smile, "Do you see any slushies in here?"

"No," Rachel smiled back, shaking her head as if to agree it was a silly thought, "but most of the slushies I get in the face seem to appear out of nowhere."

"Are you still drunk," Quinn asked, changing the topic and sliding her hands down Rachel's sides, letting them rest on her hips.

"I-I don't think so," Rachel replied, shaking under Quinn's touch, "I think you sobered me up."

"Good," Quinn said, pulling Rachel's hips to hers, "I wouldn't want you to be drunk during your first time."

Before Rachel could respond, Quinn leaned in and kissed her lips, lightly at first as if she was only tasting her, but then Rachel's arms wrapped around her neck and suddenly their kisses had grown hungry again. Quinn ran her tongue along Rachel's bottom lip, waiting for her to deepen the kiss, and when her mouth opened, the kiss was so intense Quinn ended up pushing her backwards and up against her desk. Rachel moaned into the kiss, as Quinn's hands slid from her hips to grasp her ass and lifted her an inch so that she was half sitting on the desk. She lightly pushed Rachel's thighs apart and settled herself in between them, feeling Rachel's body shiver as the material of Quinn's jean shorts came into contact with the front of her panties. They broke the kiss, panting for air as Quinn grabbed Rachel's tank top, yanked it over her head, discarding it onto the floor.

"A training bra," Quinn smirked, shaking her head at the white material covering her breasts.

Rachel blushed, "I have small breasts and it-it's more comfortable."

Quinn laughed lightly using a finger tip to trace the edges of the cotton, then leaned in and gave her lips another quick kiss before moving down to lick the long vein on the side of her neck. Rachel let out another moan, this one louder, as Quinn bit down on the tender area and sucked, then soothed the bruise with her tongue. She brought her head back enough so that she could see the mark she made and, satisfied with the result, she dragged her tongue along one of Rachel's collarbones and then placed soft kisses along the other.

"Quinn...," Rachel whined softly, as Quinn's finger tips had begun tickling her ribs.

"Mmmm," was all Quinn could respond with as her teeth found Rachel's nipple through the cotton of her bra.

Rachel tried to stifle a cry as Quinn bit down gently on the sensitive flesh and then whispered in desperation, "Tell me this is real."

Quinn released her nipple and replaced it with the palm of her hand, gently kneading the area to relieve the sting. She used her free hand to caress her cheek, tenderly brushing back a strand of hair that had stuck to her lips and then ran the pad of her thumb along her bottom lip. Bending her thumb slightly so that Rachel's lip pulled downwards with it, Quinn looked into Rachel's brown eyes that had turned near black with arousal, "This is real, Rachel."

Quinn's hand stretched out across Rachel's cheek, cupping the side of her face and she kissed her again to prove to her and to herself that it wasn't just some dream. She then dropped her hand onto the desk to steady herself as she pushed her hips flush against Rachel's sex, rolling her hips to the silent rhythm in her head. Rachel's legs instinctively wrapped themselves tightly around her waist and she bit down hard on Quinn's lip as their hips met, only feeding Quinn's lust and she grabbed onto Rachel's hips with both hands, rocking more forcefully against her.

She broke away just enough so that she could hook her thumbs under her training bra and pull it over her head, discarding it alongside the tank top, and took a moment to enjoy her small, firm breasts. Quinn ran her hands along Rachel's bare chest stopping to thumb her already erect nipples, causing the shorter girl to inhale sharply and drop her head back, tempting Quinn to bite at her neck once more, which elicited another soft cry from her. She leaned down, flicking a nipple with her tongue before taking the dusky nub into her mouth and sucking it. Rachel's hands immediately lifted off the desk and tangled into Quinn's hair, gasping with pleasure as Quinn lightly tugged on it with her teeth, this time without the cotton barrier. Quinn moved to the other nipple and gave it the same treatment then returned to Rachel's lips.

Rachel's hands slipped down to Quinn's neck, pulling apart the bikini strings at her neck, then dragging her nails down her back until they reached the second tie and undid that one as well. The top slipped from Quinn's breasts and Rachel pulled away to see what she had uncovered. Her hands shook as she covered the blonde's breasts, lightly grazing her thumbs over her nipples, causing Quinn to moan and thrust her hips forward against Rachel. The force of the movement caused Rachel to fall backwards onto her elbows and Quinn took the opportunity to hike up the plaid skirt around her waist.

Rachel's panties were plain and white, not a surprise to Quinn, however the dampness that was there had soaked them through and the smell of her arousal was intoxicating. Quinn realized she must have been staring for some time, because when she finally tore her eyes away and looked back up at Rachel, she was chewing on her lip nervously, with a look of embarrassment.

"Sorry," Rachel said softly, once their eyes had met.

"For what," Quinn asked, having no idea what Rachel needed to be sorry for, as she had never been more turned on in her life.

Rachel pointed to the front of Quinn's jean shorts, which had a very clear wet patch from where they were grinding together, and Quinn could not stifle the aroused groan the slid from her lips.

"I need to fuck you now," Quinn said harshly and her voice was so thick with want, it even surprised herself. Rachel swallowed visibly and nodded her approval, causing Quinn to yank her forward, against herself, so she could reach behind her and unzip the skirt.

"Although I am very pleased with the sturdy workmanship of your desk and for future endeavours it would provide an excellent structure suitable for sexual encounters," Rachel said softly and then paused as she looked over at Quinn's bed.

"But you don't want your first time to be on a desk," Quinn smirked, finishing the sentence for her.

"Not particularly," Rachel admitted while Quinn drew her into her arms, pressing her against her tightly and pulled her off the desk. The skirt slid easily from Rachel's hips as she stood on shaky legs, leaving her in her wet panties and knee-high socks. As Quinn nudged her backwards towards the bed, Rachel focused her attention to the button on Quinn's shorts and her fingers desperately fumbled with the fasten. The button finally popped open and Rachel feverishly tugged the zipper down, immediately causing the cut offs to fall and join all their other clothing littering the floor. Rachel moaned her appreciation to the skimpy black thong she was wearing and Quinn pushed her back onto the bed. Quinn tore a sock from each leg and then ran her hands up and down the insides of her thighs then replaced them with her nails, each time deliberately bumping against her centre and getting a whimper from Rachel.

"I can't-," Rachel started, but the words were lost as Quinn dragged her knuckles over her panties again. Quinn understood the message though, and ended her teasing, pulling Rachel's panties off her hips and down her legs.

"God Rachel, you're so wet," Quinn said hungrily as she ran a finger up and down her slit. Rachel could only moan in response as her body shook each time Quinn grazed her swollen clit. Quinn's finger traced her tight entrance as she crawled up Rachel's body, kissing and biting a trail until she bit down on Rachel's bottom lip and then whispered in her ear, "I think the answer is fairly evident, but I'm going to ask anyway. Are you ready?"

"Yes," Rachel managed to groan and Quinn didn't wait another second before forcing a finger through her barrier and inside of her. A scream slipped from Rachel's lips and her nails dug painfully into Quinn's shoulder blades as she closed her eyes and buried her face into the curve of Quinn's neck.

"Are you ok," Quinn asked with concern when Rachel's body still hadn't relaxed. She had been a lot tighter than she had expected and even with just the one finger inside her, she could feel her walls clamped down around her.

Rachel finally dropped her head back onto the bed and Quinn caught a glimpse of the tears in her eyes before Rachel's hands quickly wiped them away. She smiled at Quinn, a genuine smile and said, "I'm fine. It's better now. It was just- it only hurt for a moment."

Quinn began to move inside her, slowly at first all the while holding Rachel's eyes with her own and tenderly whispering words of how beautiful she was. But as she picked up the pace and had begun to use her thumb to encircle her clit, she could tell that Rachel could no longer hear anything she was saying. By the time she was able to add a second finger, Rachel's eyes and closed and she was biting her lip so hard it was white.

Then her fingers were bruising the tender flesh of Quinn's ass as Rachel matched each thrust by raising her hips off the bed and seconds later her hand had somehow found its way into the front of Quinn's thong. The unexpected fingers suddenly sliding against her, caused her steady rhythm to falter and Quinn's eyes closed at the feel of her fingers gently spreading her folds open and running her fingers along her entrance. The contact was suddenly broken, as the fingers disappeared from inside her panties and Quinn's eyes opened in disappointment. What she saw, however, caused her disappointment to vanish. Rachel was gazing at her moistened fingers and then she looked up at Quinn under her dark lashes as she took each digit into her mouth and sucked it clean, moaning softly as she did.

"Fuck, Rachel," Quinn growled and kissed her, sucking the remnants of her taste from Rachel's lips. Rachel's thumbs hooked into the sides of Quinn's thong as she pushed it as far down as she could reach and Quinn shimmied out of it, kicking it to the floor. She could tell Rachel was close as the noises she was making were increasing in intensity and her hands kept searching for something to hold on to. She knew they were both going to be bruised and marked the next day. Rachel's hand once again found her slick folds and this time she drove two fingers inside her while frantically circling her sensitive bundle of nerves, bringing her close to climax in such a short time, Quinn hadn't even known it was possible. Then with a few final thrusts, Rachel's hips bucked and a strangled cry filled the air as her body erupted in a massive explosion of sensations and the sight of Rachel coming, and the fingers still inside her, was enough for Quinn to follow moments after, pressing their slick foreheads together as they both panted from the exertion of their climaxes.

Quinn removed her fingers slowly, as Rachel's body still trembled with the aftershocks, and then sucked on one of her moistened digits, before slipping the other past Rachel's lips. Rachel's eyes stayed on hers as she closed her lips around the finger and sucked, swirling her tongue over the tip as she tasted herself.

Rolling off of Rachel and laying beside her, to give her some air, the dark haired girl followed her movement resting her head an inch from Quinn's on her pillow and she threw an arm and a protective leg over Quinn's body. Quinn glanced over at her and Rachel was staring at her with the hints of a smile and Quinn wanted to say something, tell her that this was the best night she had ever had, but the way that Rachel was looking at her, told her that she already knew.

* * *

><p>The next morning, Quinn was the first to awake, but since Rachel's body was still draped over her own, she could not bring herself to move and disturb her. She had no need to move anyhow. The warm feeling of her soft naked body against her own made her never want to move again.<p>

It had been amazing with Rachel the night before. The things that she felt she had never known she would ever be capable of feeling had suddenly become a reality and life had become so much brighter, made so much more sense. Everything seemed to fit perfectly into place, just how their bodies were fitting together so perfectly at that moment.

So she couldn't figure out why, after she had the night of her dreams, the dark haze was starting to cloud over as it did every morning when she woke up. That deeply dark moment she had every morning before she had her first drink where the most destructive thoughts came to her. She looked over at Rachel's flawless face, inches from her own, and at how peaceful and content she looked and tried to push the dark away.

She felt as Rachel stirred from her sleep and stretched. Quinn expected to see panic and regret in her eyes when she noticed that she was in bed naked with her, but instead when the sleepy eyes found her own a smile spread across her lips and she moaned the word, "Morning."

"Hey," Quinn replied, smiling back, "You snored all night."

Rachel gasped and covered her mouth with her hand, but Quinn burst out laughing and Rachel, punched her arm playfully, "Rachel Berry doesn't snore."

"No," Quinn agreed seriously, tracing her finger along Rachel's jawline, "You don't snore. Do you want some breakfast?"

"Sure," Rachel replied, yawning.

Quinn crawled over Rachel and towards her closet, as she got dressed in a pair of shorts and a halter top, then looked over at Rachel, who was examining her panties from the night before. Quinn laughed as she pulled a pink thong from her underwear drawer and tossed it at her, "I think you'd better put this on."

"Thanks," Rachel smiled, and slipped them on, while making an uncomfortable face.

"Not used to thongs," Quinn questioned, watching Rachel squirm as she slipped her clothes back on.

"No," Rachel shook her head, "With the amount of short skirts I wear-."

"I think it looks sexy," Quinn said, wrapping her arms around Rachel's waist, once she was finished dressing, and kissed her.

* * *

><p>"Oh Quinnie, you're up," her mother commented as Quinn entered the kitchen, "I made us some breakfast." Her mother pushed a cosmopolitan towards her and she took a sip of her own. Suddenly noticing Rachel standing behind Quinn she said, "Who's your friend?"<p>

"Mom, this is Rachel," Quinn replied, pulling her out from behind her and Rachel gave her a small wave. "Remember from Glee?"

"Right," her mother said as she took another glass down from the cabinet, "Your mother has my granddaughter. Cosmopolitan?"

"I'm seventeen," Rachel said, taken aback by both the blatant statement about her birthmother and the offer of alcohol. She looked from Quinn to her mother, confused, but Quinn didn't seem to notice anything out of the ordinary, as she picked up the drink that was made for her and sipped it.

"I'm sorry," Quinn's mother laughed shaking her head, "What kind of drinks are the kids drinking these days? Screwdrivers?"

Rachel's mouth fell open in shock, where most teens had to hide their underage drinking, Judy Fabray was promoting it.

"She's just going to have some orange juice," Quinn replied for her, after Rachel hadn't answered in some time, and Quin's mother nodded and began to head out towards the patio.

"Nice to see you again, Michelle," Judy called back as she closed the patio door behind her.

"Rachel," Rachel replied softly, staring at the door blankly where Quinn's mother had just exited. "Your mother-"

"I know," Quinn said cutting her off and forcing a big Quinn Fabray smile, "Let's just not talk about it."

Quinn handed her a glass of orange juice and then took a noticeably large gulp of her cosmopolitan as she looked through their pantry for breakfast food.

Rachel leaned back on the counter and watched her, "I can't believe you're drinking at 10 AM."

There was the voice that Quinn dreaded. The tone that Santana hadn't given her yet and her mother was incapable of using as her enabler. Complete disappointment. Quinn wasn't good at being on the defensive, she always ended up saying things she never meant, and she could already tell this was going to be one of those times.

"We don't all have perfect Rachel Berry lives, Rachel," Quinn snapped, watching as Rachel cringed and dropped her eyes to the ground. Quinn sighed and then added in a softer voice, "We're gonna need to have a talk about everything."

Rachel's eyes quickly glanced back up to her curiously, "About what exactly?"

"About what happens next."

* * *

><p><strong>AN2:** I may continue this if there's enough interest. Haven't decided yet.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: TRIGGER WARNINGS: SELF-HARM & ALCOHOL ABUSE**

This actually ended up being quite dark. Please mind the warning, it's there for a reason. Sorry it took so long for me to write this chapter, it was tough to write. I don't know if this is the end.. I may continue if I find some inspiration for it.

* * *

><p>"Ok, so talk," Rachel said softly but determined, her eyes dropping to the ground as if she knew Quinn was about to take back everything that happened the night before.<p>

"Let's just eat breakfast first," Quinn sighed, keeping her attention on the pantry in front of her, knowing that if she even chanced a look at Rachel she might crumble into a million pieces.

"No," Rachel replied firmly and with such force it caused Quinn's eyes to snap towards her in surprise, "No. I don't want to choke down bits of food and pretend that I'm ok, Quinn. I would rather discuss this matter now." On that last word, Rachel grabbed the cosmopolitan from Quinn's hand, placed it on the counter, out of Quinn's reach and folded her arms across her chest. "So talk."

Quinn bit down on her lip, trying to contain the anger that stemmed from the smaller girl taking her soothing beverage, but it spilled over and suddenly she was yelling words that she wasn't even sure made sense together in a sentence. "Fine Rachel, I'll talk to you. I know your type, Rachel."

"My type," Rachel repeated, raising an eyebrow, her stance was still steady, but her voice wavered slightly after Quinn had raised her voice to her. The way that Quinn spoke, even if the words weren't hurtful yet, there was such a coldness to her that it made her very uncomfortable.

"You can't see things for what they really are. You make everything into a fairytale," Quinn said, her eyes drifting to the lonely drink on the counter, beckoning for her, and she wished that it was safely back in her grasp, where she could hold it against her like a security blanket.

"I don't understand," Rachel said, when Quinn hadn't continued, and she stepped to the side, moving in front of the drink and forcing Quinn to look at her.

Quinn shook her head again. Even she wasn't sure exactly what she was trying to say. Instead of watching the dark haired girl sleep, she should have been rehearsing this inevitable speech that she knew they would be having. Closing her eyes for a moment she gathered her thoughts and began again slowly, "Last night, we were both drunk."

"Actually," Rachel interrupted, "If you recall we were both sober by the time we-"

_No_. Quinn screamed in her head so she didn't have to hear the last words Rachel spoke. She had to have been drunk last night. There was no way that Quinn Fabray would have sex with another girl unless she had been intoxicated, especially if that girl was Rachel Berry. There was no way she was gay and there was no way that she had any sort of feelings for the loser in front of her.

"We were both drunk," Quinn said again, ignoring Rachel. "It could have been anyone that I had brought home last night. I went to that party looking for sex, you were just the first person to stumble my way, and I was too drunk to care who it was."

Quinn knew it was a blatant lie. She hadn't gone to the party looking for sex, sure she had wanted companionship, some guy to tell her how beautiful she was and that she was the most amazing girl in the entire world, but sex was different. It didn't matter what the kids at McKinley had thought of her, she knew that before last night, the one and only time she had had sex in her life was with Puck, and it was terrible. After that, sex never sounded good again. Except, then there was Rachel.

"Why are you being so mean," Rachel whispered and Quinn watched as her beautiful brown eyes reddened and swelled as the smaller girl tried to hold back her tears.

Quinn laughed bitterly, a laugh so sickening it even surprised herself, and she sucked in all of her strength to continue, "Because you need to know, Rachel. You need to know that it didn't mean anything to me. I needed someone and you were just there."

Rachel's mouth opened and closed a couple times as she tried to speak, but the tears began rolling down her cheeks and all she could manage was a hiccup. There was a sudden pain in Quinn's chest, a pain so strong she thought she might pass out, and she felt her eyes begin to sting with the threat of tears. She forced her eyes closed, biting back the tears and not letting Rachel see any weakness, not letting her see that it was all just a big lie.

"God, Rachel," Quinn shouted, angrily, "What did you think? We would have sex and then suddenly we'd be in some kind of gay relationship and we'd walk down the halls of McKinley in September holding hands, sing duets to each other in Glee club and be prom queen and queen?"

Rachel shook her head and covered her face in her hands, shielding herself from Quinn's angry glare. Quinn grabbed Rachel's wrists, hard enough to bruise the soft flesh, and pried them away from her face, "You need to see, in my eyes, that it meant nothing to me, Rachel. I don't care about you, Man-hands. Do you see it?"

"I trusted you, with every part of me," Rachel screamed at her, tearing herself from Quinn's hold, her mouth open in shock as the tears rolled down her cheeks in waves. "I let you-. Who was with me last night? It wasn't you. I have no idea who you are." She darted towards the kitchen doorway. She stopped midway and turned, and Quinn prepared herself for a long Rachel Berry lecture, or some more hateful words that she would leave her with, but instead what Rachel did was not at all what she was expecting. Reaching under her short skirt, Rachel pulled down the pink thong and threw it at Quinn before finishing her exit out of the room. Quinn held the panties tightly in her hand as she closed her eyes and winced as the front door to her house was slammed shut.

She quickly grabbed for her drink, chugging the entire contents of the glass before slamming it back onto the counter. The tears that she had been holding back flowed freely from her eyes and she tried to angrily wipe them away, scratching at her cheeks with her nails as she did. Why did this bother her so much? Why did she care that she had just caused Rachel to run crying from her house? She used to take pride in making her cry. She used to love to torture her. So why did she now suddenly feel like she was about to throw up?

She did throw up. She had just enough warning to move her head over the sink as the contents of her stomach, which was all alcohol, was emptied. She turned on the tap once she had nothing else to vomit, and began washing her face off with the cold water.

She needed to go after her. She needed to make it right. She didn't know what she needed to say to her, but she knew that she couldn't leave it the way it was. She also knew that she couldn't let Rachel walk all the way to her house, crying. What if something happened to her?

Quinn quickly screwed off the top of a bottle of vodka and drank back as much as she could, before grabbing her car keys and heading out of the house. Somewhere in her mind she knew that she shouldn't be driving, that even though she hadn't had enough alcohol to be drunk and that she had thrown up most of it, she still should not have been getting behind the wheel. She didn't care, though.

She drove down the street, but couldn't find Rachel anywhere. She drove further on towards Rachel's house, trying to decide how far Rachel could have gotten in the amount of time that had passed, but when she neared Rachel's house and still had not seen her, she decided to turn around and go back home. What was she doing following Man-hands anyway?

* * *

><p>When Quinn got home, she grabbed the bottle of vodka from the kitchen, and a bottle of rum for good measure, and headed back up to her room.<p>

She closed the door behind her and set the bottles down on her desk, staring at the empty bed with the sheets still turned back and crumpled as they had left it. Her eyes fell to the ground and caught sight of small pair of white panties Rachel had left behind and Quinn lost it again. She leapt through the hall and made it to the bathroom just in time to vomit into the toilet. She blamed it on the alcohol. It couldn't possibly have anything to do with the empty ache in her chest or pit in her stomach that throbbed whenever Rachel entered her thoughts.

Rising from her perch by the toilet, she brushed her teeth and splashed some cold water on her face. She caught sight of herself in the mirror and the reflection was unfamiliar. She looked sickly. Her face was pale and thin and she looked like a survivor from one of those horrible prisons where they starve and beat you. She was about to leave, but her eyes found something in the mirror that made her pause. Sitting on the edge of the bathtub was her razor and for some reason that she couldn't comprehend, she picked it up and took it with her as she left the bathroom.

Closing the door to her room, she took the bottle of vodka and sat back on her bed, sipping it from the bottle as she stared down at the razor in her hand. She broke apart the plastic and slid the blades out easily, turning them over in her hands before finally setting them down on her nightstand.

* * *

><p>She awoke several hours later, disoriented and unable to recall when she had fallen asleep. Her cheeks were soaked and fresh tears were rolling down them, but she had no idea why she was crying. For a brief moment she could not remember a single thing, until suddenly everything came flooding back to her. The party, the most amazing night with Rachel, and then all of those horrible lies that she had told her. It all seemed like a dream, but she was painfully aware that it wasn't.<p>

It was nighttime now and her room was dark and lonely. She found the bottle of vodka lying next to her and tossed her head back to guzzle down as much as she could in one breath. Something shiny on her nightstand caught her eye and she recapped the bottle and set it down before turning her attention towards the object. It was the razor blade. She picked it up, careful not to nick her fingers on the sharp edges, and stared at it for minutes.

She didn't want to die, she wasn't ready for that, but she was so tired of feeling so numb about everything. She just wanted to feel something, something that was real. She took a deep breath as she lowered the blade to her wrist and lightly dragged the blade over the tender flesh. A tiny bead of red appeared from a spot where the blade had dug into her skin, but it was mostly a light scratch and not enough. So she tried again with more confidence and pushed the blade into her skin as she drew another line. This time the blood angrily seeped through the cut and dribbled down the sides of wrists. Quinn was fascinated as she watched it flow, crisscrossing into patterns along her hand and dripping off her finger tips, but it still wasn't enough. She didn't feel anything more than a light stinging.

Angry that she couldn't even do this right, she chose another spot on her wrist, away from her prominent veins and pushed the blade in as hard as she could. She was only able to drag it back a little ways before a choked scream of pain flew from her lips and pulled the blade from her wrist, tossing it onto her nightstand. Her entire hand and wrist was stained with the fresh red that was dripping onto her bed sheets and grey shorts.

"What am I doing," she cried out to herself, through tears of pain and misery. _What the fuck is wrong with me?_

She grabbed for the vodka and took a few sips, when the image of Rachel entered her mind once again. Over and over and over again Rachel was always there in her mind. She hated it. She hated that she couldn't understand why she thought of that fashion loser more than anyone else. Why did it have to be Rachel Berry? Why did she crave the feeling of her soft tan skin beneath her finger tips? Why did she crave the taste of Rachel's lips as much as she craved the vodka beside her? Why was the loud cry Rachel had made in ecstasy still echoing through her ears and arousing her more than anything ever had? Why did she hate herself so much for saying those things to her? Why did she need her so bad right now?

She needed Rachel. She needed Rachel in her arms again. She didn't know why that loser was the only person in the world that could make her feel something, but it was real, and Quinn needed her now.

She jumped off her bed with her vodka in hand and threw on a large grey hoodie from her closet. It had been Puck's, but he had given it to her near the end of her pregnancy when nothing was fitting anymore, and as she felt the material around her wrist begin to soak, she knew it would be the last time she would wear it.

She passed her mother who was asleep on the floor in the living room cuddling a bottle of rye like a teddy bear, and she watched her for a moment, just to make sure that she was breathing. Her chest was rising and falling in rhythm and, satisfied, Quinn tore out of her house, tripping down the front steps and scraping her bare knee on the pavement. It didn't faze her. The alcohol was swimming inside her again and she couldn't feel anything. All she could think about was Berry.

* * *

><p>She almost hit the tree in the Berry's front yard as she tried to pull into the driveway, but missed and ended up parking mostly on the lawn. Quinn's mind had completely clouded in alcohol as she stumbled from the driver's seat, pausing to finish the last few drops of her vodka and tossing it back on the passenger seat. For a moment she couldn't remember where she was or what she was doing there. She looked up at the house in front of her and the name softly left her lips, "Rachel."<p>

Staggering up the front steps, she banged loudly on the door with her fist. When a millisecond had passed and she hadn't heard anything, she banged as hard as she could and started screaming out Rachel's name, into the quiet night air, with no care for the surrounding neighbours or how insane it could possibly look. She was drunk and she knew what she wanted. There were no other coherent thoughts in her mind.

Suddenly the door was flung open and Quinn fell forward, grabbing onto the door frame for support so that she wouldn't completely fall over into the house.

"My god, girl, what is wrong with you," asked a balding man, wearing a maroon coloured robe. "Do you have any idea what time it is?"

Quinn blinked and tried to focus her eyes on him. She figured he was Rachel's Jewish father because she was almost certain he wasn't black, but even she knew not to trust her judgement in her state. She shook her head honestly, at the question. She really didn't have any idea what time it was, that had not been something she had taken in to consideration when she had set out on her quest to the Berry house.

"I need Rachel," she slurred, and thrust out a hand against him, trying to push past him and into the house.

"I don't think so," the man said sternly, blocking her way and firmly holding her back from entering, "It is 3 AM, you can come back at a normal time when you are not intoxicated."

"Rachel," Quinn screamed into the house. The house was too dark to see anything passed the front door, but she knew Rachel had to be in there somewhere. Rachel had to be able to hear her. "Rachel! Rachel!"

"Dad, it's ok," she heard Rachel say softly from somewhere in the darkness and Quinn let out a sigh of relief.

"Ok," her father repeated the word as a question, "No honey, this is far from ok. Have you seen our lawn? She is parked on our lawn."

"I'm sorry, Daddy," Rachel said, walking into view and laying a hand down on her father's arm, the arm that was still blocking Quinn from entering. "She's a... She's... Just go back to bed, I will take care of this."

Rachel's father stared at her for a few moments, as if he was weighing the pros and cons and then finally shook his head, turned around and began to walk off into the darkness, "Don't let that girl get back into that car. I don't want her killing someone. And you're going to be the one to explain to your father why his lawn looks like a monster truck mud pit."

"I know, Dad," Rachel answered, her eyes watching him until he had completely disappeared from view. Rachel pulled at the edges of her bright pink robe, tugging it tighter against herself, but kept her head facing into the darkness.

"Rachel I-," Quinn started, but Rachel's head quickly snapped back towards her and the sudden movement made her jaw lock tightly.

"What the hell are you doing here, Quinn," Rachel spat out the words, but her eyes softened as they travelled down Quinn's body and saw her scraped and bleeding knee.

Quinn looked down at her knee and saw that it was a lot worse than she had thought. She could see the bits of gravel still stuck inside it and it was bleeding pretty good. She still didn't feel it, though. She didn't feel anything except how lovely the alcohol was coursing through her veins.

"I-." Quinn tried again, but Rachel cut her off.

"You can speak to me while we clean up your knee," Rachel sighed, motioning for Quinn to come into her house and as the blond passed by she noted in dismay, "You smell like a brewery."

"Sorry," Quinn mumbled, but was instantly distracted by Rachel's hand in hers as she led her through the dark house and into Rachel's room.

"Sit," Rachel instructed, pointing towards her bed, "I'll go get a cloth and some bandages."

Quinn did as she was told, suddenly realizing how embarrassed she was going to be when she was sober. She applauded herself at the great first impression she had made on one of Rachel's dads. She just hoped she would have better luck with the other one, if Rachel didn't hate her after all that happened tonight of course. Not that she cared if Rachel hated her.

Rachel came back into the room a couple minutes later with a bowl of warm water, a cloth and some bandages. She set the items down on the floor and shrugged off her robe, placing it onto a chair, and revealing a light pink camisole and skin tight pink boy shorts. Quinn's mouth fell open at all the perfectly tanned skin that she was showing, knowing how equally perfect the skin she wasn't showing was. Rachel sat down on her knees in front of Quinn, on the floor and dipped the cloth into the bowl.

"Now, tell me what you're doing here and please tell me it is dire news because you just ruined my dad's lawn, which he prides himself on, and you made my other dad believe you are a drunken lunatic, which, judging by your recent actions, may actually be true. So please tell me something that makes all that worth it," Rachel said sternly, as she began to dab at Quinn's scrape and added softer, "Sorry if I'm hurting you."

"You're not," Quinn whispered, her voice shaking, and she realized, when she was having trouble breathing, that she was crying. Rachel noticed too and looked up at her for a moment as she tended to her injury, but let her eyes fall back on her knee.

"It was all a lie," Quinn said, watching Rachel who was touching her so tenderly, she just wanted to gather her up in her arms and lay with her, "Everything I said this morning was a lie."

Rachel was chewing nervously on her lip and not letting her eyes fall away from her task and Quinn needed her to look at her.

"Rachel," she said and paused, waiting for her to look up, but she never did, so she lifted Rachel's chin with her fingers and forced her to, "It meant something to me. Last night, it meant a lot to me. It meant everything to me."

Rachel was now biting down so hard on her lip Quinn was worried she might break the skin and she realized that the brunette had also begun to cry.

"I'm so sorry I made you feel like it was nothing and that you meant nothing to me. I'm just so confused. I thought I hated you," Quinn said shaking her head, "And now, you're all I can think about. Always. I can never get your stupid argyle sweaters or pleated skirts out of my head. Even in my damn fantasies you're wearing a sweater with llama on it!"

Quinn saw Rachel's breath catch as she spoke and she knew that all this time, Rachel had been having the same feelings towards her. It had never been about Finn for either of them, that's why it had never worked out. Feeling brave enough, Quinn continued, "But it's more than that, Rachel. It's not some silly high school crush. It's not about experimenting or a phase. When I touch you, when I had you in my arms last night, everything felt so-"

"Perfect," Rachel finished, and then dropped her eyes back to Quinn's knee when she realized she had said it out loud.

"Exactly," Quinn nodded and smiled, a real smile. "It was so perfect. I finally understand what it means to -god this is so cheesy- to make love and not just have sex."

She saw the smile form on Rachel's lips, but the brunette wouldn't lift her eyes to her, "I'm glad it was you. I'm glad that I didn't give in to Jesse or Finn and I waited for you."

"Me too," Quinn whispered, "I'm just really sorry about my actions after."

Rachel stuck the large band-aid to Quinn's knee and gave it a soft kiss, "All better."

Quinn wiped her tear stained cheeks with her hands, but froze when she saw Rachel's eyes go wide, "What's wrong?"

"You must've touched your knee and now you've got blood all over your face," Rachel said and took Quinn's hands in her own. When she looked down, she saw the blood soaked sleeve of the hoodie and zigzag patterns of blood on Quinn's hand and Quinn quickly yanked her hand back. She had forgotten about her misguided attempts to feel something and she did not like the look Rachel was giving her right now. She was completely embarrassed and ashamed.

"I just scraped it when I fell," Quinn reasoned, but the tone of her voice was telling.

Rachel held out her own hand which had fresh blood on it, showing it to Quinn as evidence, "You're still bleeding, Quinn, you have to let me take a look."

She knew Rachel wouldn't give up and sure, she could push her way out of the Berry house, but she would also be pushing herself out of Rachel's life for good. After everything she had just admitted to Rachel, after everything she had just admitted to herself, she couldn't run away.

"Please don't judge me," Quinn said, in a voice so soft and meek it didn't sound like it could be her own. She was terrified Rachel would be disgusted with her, or think she belonged locked away in a psych ward somewhere.

"I wouldn't," Rachel soothed, then pushed herself up on her knees, brought her hand to the back of Quinn's neck, and pulled her into a reassuring kiss. Rachel's lips fit so perfectly with her own and her mouth tasted so sweet that Quinn couldn't help but push her tongue past Rachel's lips to hungrily taste more of her. Forgetting about her bloody hand once again, she placed her hands on Rachel's cheeks and pulled her down on top of her, as she lay back on the bed. Rachel let out a surprised squeak and pushed herself up.

"Quinn," she sighed, her voice thick with concern, "although I do wish to continue kissing you, really I do, and you taste so strongly of alcohol I am certain I can get drunk from kissing you, I need to see your arm. Just to clean you up, I'm- I promise I won't judge you or think any less of you."

Quinn sighed and let her hands fall from Rachel's cheeks, groaning when she saw the smeared bloody hand print she made on the smaller girl's right cheek. "Ok."

Rachel looked over Quinn, now seeing all the stains on her shorts and sweatshirt, "I think you should take your clothes off."

Quinn raised an eyebrow, but Rachel quickly explained herself, "Your clothes are covered in blood, Quinn."

Quinn nodded as Rachel reached for the hem of her sweatshirt and pulled it over her head, leaving her in her white camisole, and then let out an audible gasp and she kneeled back down onto the carpet, "Quinn."

Following Rachel's frightened stare, she looked at her wrist, now being held by Rachel's delicate fingers. It did look bad, but she was sure that when all the blood was washed away, the actual injury wouldn't be as bad as it appeared. The alcohol in her blood had probably caused her to bleed more than it should and the fiction of the sweatshirt rubbing against the wound wouldn't have helped either.

"It's ok," Quinn whispered, trying to convince Rachel, "I'm ok."

Quinn grabbed the cloth Rachel had left in the bowl and gently wiped the hand print off her face. Rachel's concerned eyes turned up at her questioningly and she answered the silent question, "I got blood on you. Sorry."

Rachel didn't seem to react and Quinn continued to wipe the blood from her own hand and wrist. Once she had cleaned it off, only two thin red lines were visible. "See not as bad as it looks."

She held the cloth to her wrist, making sure the bleeding had stopped, as Rachel tore open a large bandage and held it ready.

"Do you want to die," Rachel questioned, softly, her eyes focusing on the carpet.

"No," Quinn shook her head firmly, "I just needed to feel- something."

Rachel pressed the bandage to her wrist and bit her lip, "I don't understand."

"I just feel so numb all the time," Quinn sighed, slipping off her stained shorts and was sure she caught a lusty look in Rachel's eyes when she revealed her black thong, but Rachel quickly flashed back to concern.

"Maybe it's the alcohol that's making you numb," Rachel suggested.

"No," Quinn rolled her eyes. It wasn't the alcohol. She was sure the alcohol made things better. "I've been numb longer than I've been drinking."

Rachel took a deep breath and laid her palms flat on Quinn's bare knees, slowly running them up the tops of her thighs, "Do you feel me?"

"Yes," Quinn breathed, her eyes closing with a smile flickering at the corners of her mouth.

"I want to make you feel good," Rachel said, lightly kissing the insides of her knees. Quinn opened her eyes, staring down at her as the girl lightly kissed and sucked her way up the insides of her thighs. She could feel herself getting wet and her head was spinning, from the alcohol and arousal. "Lie back."

Quinn did as she was told, teetering drunkenly as she crawled to the head of the bed and falling back on the pillows. Rachel followed after her, straddling her hips and leaning down to capture her lips in a gentle kiss. Rachel was the one to deepen the kiss this time and Quinn welcomed the initiative she was taking when she felt her hand roaming over her body. Her surprised moan was muffled by Rachel's lips as the dark haired girl rolled her hips against hers. The movement made Quinn roughly grab onto Rachel's hips, digging her fingers into her flesh, bruising her, and Rachel broke away from the kiss, moaning.

"You like it when I'm rough with you," Quinn noted, trying to steady her breathing.

Rachel blushed and chewed on her cheek nervously, "I-I just like the feel of you making me yours. If that makes sense."

Quinn bit her lip, stifling a moan caused only by the words Rachel had spoke. She resisted the urge to flip them over and spend the entire night marking, bruising and making Rachel hers. She would save that for another night.

"It makes sense," Quinn breathed the words and Rachel leaned back down, this time biting Quinn's neck roughly and sucking on her tender skin. Quinn moaned at the sensation, bucking her hips up against her and Rachel laughed against her neck, "I guess we both like it rough."

Quinn could only respond with another moan as Rachel's hand had found its way under her camisole and was pinching a nipple as her lips continued to torture her neck. Suddenly, the lips and the hand disappeared as Rachel sat back and Quinn let out an embarrassing groan at the loss. Rachel smirked and swiftly pulled her camisole over her head, then did the same to Quinn's, replacing the fingers on her breast with her hot mouth. Quinn gasped as Rachel lightly bit the sensitive flesh and tangled her fingers in Rachel's long hair. Her able fingers found Quinn's other nipple and she rolled and pinched it as she sucked and tongued the one in her mouth.

The sensations Rachel was creating amazed Quinn, that someone who had only lost their virginity the night before could be so good at what she was doing.

"Rachel," Quinn moaned, and Rachel released Quinn's nipple with a loud popping sound to look up at her, "I need you to-."

She couldn't finish the sentence, embarrassed by her strong need, but Rachel understood and slid down Quinn, pulling the thong from her hips as she went. Rachel hesitated, looking up and down Quinn's body as if she was unsure of what to do next, but then she gently pushed Quinn's legs apart and settled herself down on her elbows in between them.

"You don't have to-," Quinn started, but let out a loud moan and fisted at the sheets as Rachel's tongue slid up the length of her slit.

"I like the way you taste," Rachel said, with a hint of surprise in her voice, "I was a bit nervous last night, but you taste like- like Quinn."

Quinn laughed lightly as her cheeks warmed, "I'm glad you approve."

"You're so wet, Quinn," she remarked, as she ran a finger along her slit and then used her thumbs to spread her open.

"Are you wet," Quinn asked, looking down at Rachel, between her legs, watching as Rachel's tongue flicked across her clit and she bit back another moan. Rachel's dark eyes locked with hers as she swiftly flicked her tongue back and forth over her clit, driving Quinn's insides wild, and then sucked on it before pulling back to respond.

"I think this is the last time I will be able to wear these shorts," Rachel admitted, swirling her tongue around Quinn's entrance and pushing her tongue into her as far as she could.

"Fuck Rachel," Quinn moaned, closing her eyes and dropping her head back as she felt Rachel's nose bump against her clit.

Rachel pushed her tongue in and out of her a few more times before dragging her tongue back up to her clit and pressed two fingers inside her. Quinn's hand flew out and grasped Rachel's hair at the back of her head as she adjusted to the feel of her fingers inside her. It was so much better with Rachel than with Puck. She couldn't explain why her fingers felt better, but when Rachel's fingers curled inside her and hit her spot, it didn't matter.

"How did you-," Quinn started to ask breathlessly, trying to figure out how Rachel knew exactly how to move her fingers, but the tongue that was working her clit and the fingers that were thrusting inside her was too much. "Oh godRach-I'mgonna-fuck-"

Her back arched and her hips bucked wildly on Rachel's mouth as the orgasm tore through her, waking all the nerve endings in her body and causing her to shake with pleasure. Once the orgasm had subsided she fell back onto the bed, sweaty and exhausted, and released her hold on Rachel's head. Suddenly, Quinn felt Rachel's tongue swipe again on her over sensitive clit and her entire body jumped.

"Stop," Quinn gasped, but then those precious fingers were slowly beginning to thrust inside her again, growing in intensity with each thrust, and she was shocked to feel another orgasm building within her. She had never had multiple orgasms, not by herself and definitely not with Puck, who she hadn't had any with. The fact that Rachel could do this to her body, to have such complete control over her, was unbelievable.

She felt Rachel's lips close around her clit as she sucked on it and then her tongue was flicking it inside her mouth and Quinn's entire body was trembling from the feeling. She opened her eyes and looked down at Rachel, surprised to find her eyes still watching her, filled with lust.

"Come for me, Quinn," she said in a low gravely voice that sent Quinn tumbling over the edge. Her hips rose off the bed as she screamed and rode out her second orgasm, grinding down onto Rachel's fingers. Once she had come down from her high, she reached down in between her legs and slowly pulled Rachel's fingers out from inside of her.

"No more," Quinn pleaded and rolled her eyes at the huge accomplished grin that spread across Rachel's face. Rachel licked both of her fingers clean and then kissed her lips lightly before pulling away and hovering above her.

"What," Quinn asked after Rachel had continued to stare down at her and make no other movements.

"I don't want you to hurt yourself," she said, softly.

"I won't," Quinn replied with a half hearted smile, "It was silly."

"Scary," Rachel corrected her, "If you had-"

"Stop, Rachel," Quinn interrupted her, placing a finger to her lips, "I'm not going to do it again."

Rachel nodded and Quinn let her finger fall, "It's alright, nothing to be ashamed of. There are many famous stars that have had to deal with depression and self-harm and have overcome-"

"Rachel," Quinn groaned, too drunk and too exhausted to listen to a Rachel Berry ramble, "Drop it."

"Sorry, I just don't know how to react," the smaller girl sighed, "I am so worried about you, Quinn."

"Just kiss me," Quinn said, brushing Rachel's long hair behind her ear, "I'm too drunk for anymore serious talk."

Rachel leaned down and captured Quinn's lip between her teeth, tugging on it as she sucked it into her mouth. She moved a leg so that she was straddling Quinn's thigh and Quinn could feel just how wet she was. Quinn pushed her back lightly so she could look down and see where Rachel's centre was against her thigh, and she could see a large wet spot on her pink shorts. Guilt suddenly filled her as she realized she was too tired and uncoordinated to take care of Rachel's needs, "I'm sorry, Rach. I don't think I have the energy to-" but the smile that spread across Rachel's lips made her pause with curiosity.

Sitting up on her knees, Rachel pushed the shorts from her hips and off her toned legs and then straddled Quinn's thighs. She took Quinn's hand, laying it palm up against Quinn's crotch and positioned it so that her index and middle fingers were sticking up. Then she moved up her legs, pressing her hands to Quinn's shoulders for support and lowered herself down, slowly impaling herself on her fingers. Quinn watched as her eyes closed tightly and that same pained look as the night before was present again as her fingers stretched and filled her tight channel. She stretched her thumb up and circled the smaller girl's clit, helping to soothe her ache and soon Rachel was moaning in response. Finally, Rachel opened her eyes and pushed Quinn's thumb away from her, replacing it with her own fingers and she slowly began to raise and lower herself onto Quinn's hand.

"I can do all the work," Rachel sighed blissfully, through half lidded eyes as her hips began to roll faster and harder, taking Quinn's fingers deeper and deeper, fucking her hand.

Quinn just lay there watching in disbelief at the most erotic thing she had ever seen. Rachel's hair stuck to her face by her sweat, her eyes, darkened by need, locked on Quinn's, her mouth opening and then closing each time she ground her hips down, and sometimes, if Quinn moved her finger inside her a certain way, a moan would slip past her lips. Her small breasts bounced as she moved and most importantly, she watched the perfect view of Rachel massaging her clit in frantic circles. It wasn't long before Quinn could feel her walls tighten around her fingers and with a sharp gasp and nails that dug painfully into Quinn's shoulder, Rachel tossed her head back and came, coating Quinn's fingers in her juices.

Rachel collapsed forward against her and shuddered when Quinn pulled her fingers out of her.

"It's a good thing my room is sound proofed," Rachel sighed against her chest.

"You don't think your dads would approve," Quinn joked, drawing light circles on her hot back, sticky with sweat.

Rachel scoffed, "Certainly not."

Quinn smiled as her eyes closed, loving the feel of Rachel's small body weighing her down. Rachel's legs were still straddling her with one of her hands resting lightly on Quinn's breast and the other trapped beneath the pillow Quinn's head was on. Rachel's soft pants were all she could hear and if Quinn had been sober, she was sure that sound alone would be enough to get her going again, but instead she found herself drifting, content and spent, to sleep.

"Quinn," Rachel spoke timidly, breaking the silence and startling Quinn.

"Mmmm," Quinn answered, brushing a hand through Rachel's damp hair to prove she was listening.

"I'm afraid to go to sleep," she whispered.

"What do you mean," Quinn asked, opening her eyes and found Rachel looking up at her from her chest.

"I'm scared that in the morning, when you're sober, you're going to change again," Rachel lifted her head and she could see the fear in her eyes and tears beginning to well, "I don't want you to fall asleep because I don't want you to realize you hate me again. I don't want you to regret this again. Being with you, Quinn, is like a dream. It's surreal and it happens so fast and then in the morning, it's like it never happened at all. I don't think I can handle you rejecting me again."

Quinn cupped Rachel's face in her hands, stroking her cheeks tenderly with her thumbs, "I never regretted it, Rachel. I meant what I said, you're all I ever think about. I hate to use the line 'it's not you it's me', but it really is me. You're perfect. I love everything about you, from your Berry nose to your little feet and everything in between. Especially the things in between. But I'm still having a hard time accepting the way I feel about you.

"It's not because you've done anything wrong, but I don't come from such an open family like you do. 'Gay' is an obscenity in my family. I had a cousin who was sent away to one of those 'cleansing' camps and my aunt told everyone he was in rehab. Do you know how crazy that is? It is more acceptable to be addicted to drugs than to be gay."

Quinn paused to breathe. She could feel the panic rising inside of her as she began to imagine her family's reaction to her being in love with another girl. Not only did she disappoint her family by becoming a teen mother, now she was going to disgrace them because of her sexual orientation.

She saw Rachel staring at her with deep concern, tears spilling down her cheeks, "I'm sorry, Quinn. I never thought about how difficult that would be for you. Obviously with having two gay dads, I come from a very open family. Sometimes I forget that not all families are as open as mine."

"I want to be with you, Rachel, I really do. But I don't think I'm ready to tell the world, yet," Quinn said, slowly, hoping Rachel would understand that it was not because she was embarrassed of her and her status at school, but because she wasn't ready to admit to the world she was gay.

Rachel nodded her understanding, "Just promise me you won't hate me in the morning."

"I could never hate you, Rachel," she smiled, kissing her lips, salty from her tears. "I promise."

"Could you promise me one more thing," Rachel asked, nervously.

"What," Quinn yawned.

"The next time we make love, do you think you could be completely sober?"

"Only if you let me do whatever I want to you."

Quinn felt Rachel shiver on top of her.

"Deal."

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><p><strong>Reviews keep me going.<strong>


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:** No smut this time. I'm making you wait a bit cause I'm cruel like that. Also, this chapter is a lot shorter than the others. Probably because of the lack of smut.

R&R :)

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><p>Quinn stood at her locker, smoothing down the front of her Cheerios uniform as she gazed warmly at the photograph she had just finished taping to the inside door. Rachel Berry looked back at her with sparkling eyes and a wide smile that made Quinn smile back at. She couldn't believe it had taken her this long to realize that behind the terrible fashion sense was a beautiful girl with a smile that could light up Ohio. Even more unbelievable was that Rachel Berry was now her girlfriend. The idea might have turned her stomach in the past, but now a kaleidoscope of butterflies had taken up residence there and tended to flutter at the very thought of her.<p>

"I didn't realize we hung lesbo losers in our locker now," Santana snapped viciously from behind her and Quinn instinctively threw a hand over top of the picture to try to cover it. She was back on the Cheerios with Santana and Brittany again after Sue had ended her feud with the Glee club the school year prior, and her social status had been mended. It was so nice to feel the comforting fabric of her uniform wrapped against her body, as if it was a protective shield from unpopularity, and being back at the top of the pyramid was a high school dream come true. So there was no way she could let it all fall again by letting the world know she was seeing the school reject. Even if that school reject caused her to go into cardiac arrest every time she smelled her strawberry shampoo.

Quinn sucked in a deep breath and cooly turned around to face her, taking a black marker from her locker as she moved, "We don't. I was just thinking of the creative ways I can deface it. You know how I love being artistic."

Santana raised an eyebrow at her, not entirely buying into her excuse, but Quinn's focus was averted as she saw the object of her affection skipping towards her excitedly.

"Hey girlfriend," Rachel squealed with excitement, pushing Santana out of the way and pressing her lips against Quinn's. It all happened so fast that Quinn did not have a chance to stop her and all she could do was watch Santana in horror as the entire school turned their attention to watch the display.

"That's gross," she heard Brittany groan from somewhere beside her. She hadn't even known Brittany was there.

"Make me vomit," Santana added, disgusted.

Rachel didn't react, as if she couldn't hear them, she just wrapped her arms around Quinn's neck and pushed her tongue through Quinn's pursed lips.

"Stop," Quinn screamed pushing Rachel away from her. There was a hurt expression on Rachel's face, but she could only see it for a moment as two slushies were suddenly thrust into their faces and the hallway erupted into malicious laughter.

"At least I'm dyking it out with a cheerleader," Santana smirked, "Now everyone knows you're just a loser just like your girlfriend."

"She's not my girlfriend," Quinn tried to protest, but the laughter was too loud and the crowd had begun chanting the word 'loser', "I'm not like her!"

The crowd only got louder and she looked over at Rachel who was trying to wipe the blue slushie from her eyes.

"You did this to me," Quinn screamed, her anger taking her over and she shoved Rachel as hard as she could, throwing her backwards onto the ground, "I hate you, Rachel Berry! I hate you!"

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><p>"Quinn."<p>

She heard her name being called from somewhere far away, but she couldn't tell where it was coming from. The laughter was still ringing in her ears, but somehow that had begun to fade as well.

"Quinn, you're having a nightmare," the voice spoke again, so softly, so soothingly that it could've been from an angel. Then she felt the warm hand on her shoulder, lightly shaking her, and she opened her eyes, blinking a few times as they focused.

The room was foreign to her and very pink, and for a moment she had forgotten where she was. She noted that her arms were wrapped tightly around a tanned upper thigh and her head was resting on a taught stomach. Her body was curled uncomfortably and she knew that when she stretched herself out, there would be some painful kinks in her neck, shoulders and back, that she would need to work out. Some point in time through the night, the covers had been kicked off the bed and the two were laying naked and exposed. The sudden stinging in her wrist brought her back to reality and reminded her of all that had taken place the night before.

"Hey," she finally recognized the voice as Rachel's, "Quinn are you alright?"

Quinn released her grip on Rachel's thigh, feeling the smaller body shudder as she accidently bumped her private area and slowly lifted her head to look at her. Her head thudded as a hangover erupted inside and she closed her eyes tightly to blink back the pain before tentatively opening one eye and then the other. Finally seeing Rachel for the first time that morning, she took in how stunning she looked with her dark hair cascading around the pillow like a halo and her warm brown eyes watching her sleepily. Her fingers were lazily brushing Quinn's hair as she let her eyes fall shut for a moment, tiredly, and then forced them back open.

"You're so beautiful," Quinn whispered, not realizing she was saying the words and not only thinking them, causing a blush to spread across her cheeks.

Rachel smiled and rolled her eyes, "Yes, drool and bed head is a great look."

Quinn smirked and shook her head, moving up Rachel's body, coaxing her legs apart as she settled herself down on top of her, "There's no drool."

"No there is," Rachel nodded, tilting her head towards the edge of the pillow and Quinn followed the motion to find a clear wet patch on the light pink cotton.

"Oh, there is drool," Quinn laughed, "Somehow, I find that cute."

Rachel blushed, letting her hands wander over Quinn's hips and up her sides, "Do you remember what your nightmare was about?"

Quinn's brow knotted as she remembered the dream she had. It was starting to fade, but she could still remember the disgust and the laughter and Rachel's pained look. She shook her head and lied, "No, I don't remember."

Rachel gave her a comforting half-smile as her eyes travelled all over Quinn's face, as if she was trying to memorize it, "I don't remember ever being so happy."

Leaning down, Quinn drew her tongue over Rachel's lips, tracing her bottom lip before taking it between her teeth and sucking on it.

"Me too," she mumbled against her lips, running a thumb over Rachel's jaw as her fingers tangled in the hair at the back of her neck. The sudden lust that filled her body was unexpected and her hand tightened against Rachel's neck as her hips thrust forward against Rachel's and their mouthes opened in the kiss.

Rachel's squeak of surprise at Quinn's sudden force was silenced by their kiss, but Quinn felt the vibration of it throughout her body. Even in the morning, when they both should be rushing off to the bathroom to brush their teeth, Rachel tasted like her blueberry flavoured lip gloss and she began to wonder if it really was lip gloss that she was tasting, or if it was just Rachel. Kissing Rachel was a lot like what she imagined heaven would be like; warm, sweet and pure bliss. For a girl who was seemingly so inexperienced, she could kiss like a pro. She knew just when to suck, bite, and slip her tongue past Quinn's lips and she did it in such an order that made Quinn instantly wet. She could even do this thing with her tongue that Quinn had never experienced before. She would curl her tongue underneath Quinn's and then caused the most intense sensations as she slid her tongue back and forth against it. Every time Quinn would shiver and grind against her, only making Rachel smirk against her lips, bite her, then do it again.

Yes, if there was a 'death by Rachel Berry kiss', Quinn would definitely choose that way to go, happily. But until then, she would be content to kiss her forever.

"We should leave," Quinn said suddenly, pulling away from Rachel so fast her lips were still puckered as if Quinn was still there.

"Leave where," she questioned, her dark eyebrows knitting together in confusion.

"Run away," Quinn answered excitedly, "We could just forget about senior year and run away to New York. That's where you want to go, right? To Broadway?"

Rachel's mouth hung open, unmoving for a minute, as she tried to decide whether Quinn was serious or not and when she could not tell for sure she answered cautiously, "Yes, Broadway is of course my dream, but I need to graduate high school first before I can begin the next chapter of my life."

"But why," Quinn asked, her voice still excited, "You don't need high school to be on Broadway, you need talent, and you have all the talent that could possibly fit in that tiny little body of yours."

Rachel blushed and glanced past Quinn, at the ceiling, as if she was considering the proposal, "I don't know what to make of this, Quinn. I honestly can't tell if you're being serious or if you're playing some kind of a game with me."

"I'm serious," Quinn said softly. Some parts of her dream may have faded, but the laughing, the slushies, and the violent shove that she had given Rachel were weighing heavily on her mind and she knew that once school started back up, she would not be able to carry on this, whatever this was, with Rachel. There would be no more heavenly Rachel Berry kisses and Quinn didn't want to live in that world. "We could just pack up our stuff in my car, drive to New York and never look back."

"What would you do," Rachel asked, shaking her head as if she couldn't wrap her brain around the conversation they were having.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, naturally, I would do Broadway and become an instant success, but what would you do? You would be a high school drop out. What kind of career are you expecting to achieve?"

Quinn sighed and rolled off her, cradling the back of her head in her hands as she stared up at the ceiling thoughtfully, "I don't know. I mean, I guess I could take my senior year in New York, right? I could get a part time job at a diner and wait tables."

"What's this really about, Quinn," Rachel said, her eyes studying Quinn intensely. "Why are you purposely trying to make your life more difficult?"

"I'm not," Quinn replied, her eyes fixed on the ceiling, "If anything, I'm trying to make it easier. Two days, Rachel."

"Two days," Rachel questioned.

"It took two days for you to become the most important thing in my life," she couldn't take her eyes off the hole she was burning into the ceiling, afraid that if she looked over at Rachel she would start crying again and she had been crying far too much lately.

But Rachel wouldn't let her get off that easily and pressed her palm to Quinn's cheek, lightly turning her head towards her. Rachel was biting her lip, trying to hide a smile, "Really?"

"Definitely," Quinn assured her, "But we can't expect anything to happen between us past this summer if we stay here."

Rachel's smile disappeared, "I don't understand."

"Do you really think we can come back from summer break, suddenly be a lesbian couple at school, and think that everyone is going to be okay with that," Quinn kept her voice calm and steady as she tried to explain herself without insulting her.

"I don't care what other people think," Rachel said, her thumb stroking Quinn's cheek, "As long as we're happy together why should it matter?"

Quinn rolled her eyes, "You make it sound like it's so simple. It's not. You saw the bullying Kurt went through last year, do you really think that we won't get the same treatment?"

"There's one thing Kurt didn't have that I do," Rachel said, thoughtfully.

"What's that," Quinn questioned.

"You," Rachel smiled and leaned in, giving Quinn one of her heavenly Rachel Berry kisses.

As much as Quinn wanted to melt into the kiss and stay there forever, she couldn't let herself. She put her hand on Rachel's shoulder and gently pushed her back, "I'm not as strong as you."

"Quinn, as romantic as it sounds for two young lovers to runaway from their small homophobic town to the big city where their love can flourish and they can live out their dreams, you know it's not as easy as that, right," Rachel said, rationally. "We would have to worry about finding a place to stay and paying bills and food. I don't have any money, do you?"

"No," Quinn admitted. "I think we could figure it out when we get there, though. Think about it, Rach. Just you and me. Living on our own-"

"We hardly know each other," Rachel interrupted, "We can't just move in together because we had two good nights of sex and may I remind you that the morning after the first time you sent me running from your house in tears. I think that the thought of being with you, Quinn, is a lovely idea. But we're both not even close to being ready to make any kind of step towards that."

"We can get to know each other," Quinn said, wrapping a lock of Rachel's long hair around her fingers, "But at the end of summer, we need to either go our separate ways and leave our relationship as a summer fling, or disappear from Lima and start our life together in New York."

Rachel laid silently for a few minutes, staring back at Quinn as the words repeated over and over again inside her head.

"I will let you know my decision at the end of summer."


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N:** No smut again, but I promise the next chapter will make up for the lack, and then some. I promise I won't make you wait so long again. Things have been crazy lately now that I'm working and stuff. Hope you enjoy and R&R please :D Thank you for all the reviews I have received :)!

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><p>It was after 2pm when Quinn closed the front door to her house behind her. She leaned back against it for a moment and let out a long breath that she felt like she was holding for hours.<p>

After Quinn had laid out her ultimatum, Rachel had gotten uncharacteristically quiet in bed. She couldn't blame her. She certainly felt like she had ruined the mood and it wasn't a proud moment in her life. Maybe it was the dream, or maybe she had just been over analyzing everything again, she knew that at times she was guilty of thinking too much, but it was how she felt. How she still feels.

She couldn't expect McKinley High to welcome their gay relationship with open arms, maybe it would go over easier if she was seeing another cheerleader, or at least someone with a little more social status in school than less than none. She couldn't help but feel guilty for still thinking those thoughts. In her mind, Rachel was still called Man-Hands or Rupaul, or a dozen other hurtful nicknames she had spent time coming up with over the last few years. She no longer thought of Rachel as any of those things, wasn't completely sure she ever really did, but somehow to her, the nicknames had taken on some kind of endearing trait. She was just beginning to realize that the reason she tormented her so much was the simple fact that she's always really liked Rachel. Apparently she acted like an elementary school boy when she has a crush on someone. A real crush. She wasn't even sure if she'd ever really liked someone before. Dating had always been about status, never about love. This was new. This was beautiful and gut-wrenching horror all wrapped in one. She still couldn't understand how one tiny girl could strike so much fear and warmth in her heart at the same time. She wasn't sure she had a good enough grip on her sanity to enter into this relationship. But whether she did or didn't, it really didn't matter. She'd already gotten a taste of Rachel, literally, and she was her new favourite drug.

"There you are, Quinnie! I was so worried," her mother's voice startled her from her thoughts and she jumped at the break in the silence. The fact that her mother noticed she was missing was her first surprise. The second was that her mother was actually worried about her. "My goodness, Quinn, you're a mess! What did you do to yourself?"

Quinn had forgotten all about the events that had occurred during the night, except for the good parts. Their discussion this morning had distracted her mind from everything else and until now, all she could think about was either a life without Rachel, or a life with Rachel in New York. It was crazy, utterly insane, definitely not the type of idea she would normally ever come up with, or at least say out loud with another being present. It could have been the alcohol that was giving her these new and bold ideas, or maybe as much as she said that she would always be a Lima loser, she really wanted to find her way out. Either way, she knew she did not want to be a high school drop out, but she also knew she was smart enough to make it work. The more she thought about it, the less crazy the idea seemed.

She looked down at her sweatshirt and shorts, both decorated with blotches of maroon where her blood had dried and stained. Her knee still had the bandage that Rachel had put on and there was a few dots of red where the blood had soaked through. She put on a smile for her mother and said in her sweetest voice, "Oh it's nothing mom. I just slipped and fell on the sidewalk."

It wasn't really a lie, that's mostly how she got the scrape on her knee, but she was well aware that the blood on her clothes was not from that injury. Luckily the long sleeves were covering the bandage on her wrist, shielding it from her mother's worried look.

"Well, you should go upstairs and clean yourself up. I will have mango margaritas waiting for you by the pool when you get out of the shower," her mother smiled at her lovingly and touched Quinn's cheek, as if she was telling her she was making her some hot cocoa. Quinn remembered her promise to Rachel. The next time would be sober. She would keep her promise and not just because of her gain in return, although she was definitely looking forward to living out her fantasies.

When she had told Rachel she needed to go home, change and shower, Rachel had pouted, an irresistible pout that told Quinn she would never be able to win any battles with her. She didn't want to leave, but she knew she was in desperate need of a shower and change of clothes, and she also felt an obligation to check on her mother and make sure she hadn't drank herself to death. She was well aware of how messed up her relationship with her mother was. Since she had tossed her father out for his infidelity and allowed Quinn back in, somehow Quinn had become the "man of the house". Always making sure to take care of her mother. She had started out cooking for her, making sure she was eating a good meal, picking up after her, helping her get to bed at night and even one shower incident that she was still in the process of erasing from her memory. It didn't take long for the stress to get to her and around the five-hundredth time her mother told her she should pour herself a drink, she did. She was broken already, maybe broken since she had learned of her pregnancy, but New York ruined her and suddenly she didn't know why drinking had been such a bad idea.

She invited Rachel over that evening, falling victim to the protruding bottom lip and sad chocolate brown eyes, although if she were being honest, she was going to ask her over whether the pout was there or not. Rachel had brightened at the invitation, but her smile faltered when she said that she didn't think Quinn's mother liked her all that much. Quinn had kissed her lightly on the cheek on the way out Rachel's front door and pointed to her car, still parked half on the Berry's lawn and half on the driveway and replied, "I'm sure your dads think I'm the greatest."

Rachel had smiled at this and stared at the car, "Yes, well I am definitely going to need to smooth things over with them when they get home from work."

"I don't want a margarita, mom," Quinn sighed as she began to make her way to the stairs.

"Long Island ice tea," her mother suggested, thoughtfully, "or a daiquiris? Or both?"

"No," Quinn said gently, as if she was talking to a child, "Rachel's going to stay over again tonight and I don't want to make an ass of myself."

"Rachel," her mother questioned, like she had never heard the name before.

"The girl who was here yesterday morning? Short. Long brown hair," Quinn replied, and then added beneath her breath, "Gorgeous."

Her mother nodded and waved a hand at her as she finally recalled the girl, "Oh yes, of course, the daughter of the baby snatcher."

Quinn groaned angrily and raised her voice, "For the last time, mother, I _gave_ Beth to Shelby, she didn't _steal_ her and second, Shelby didn't raise Rachel, she has two dads. We've been over this, many times."

"Well the entire situation does not sit well with me," she replied, taking a long sip of her drink.

"Then it's a good thing the situation has nothing to do with you," Quinn snapped. She was so tired of having this conversation with her mother. A conversation that went the same way anytime Rachel's name was mentioned.

"I just don't understand why you need to hang around with her, Quinnie. She doesn't seem like a good influence on you. Why don't I see you with your cheerleader friends anymore," her mother asked, looking sadly at the bottom of her empty glass.

Quinn almost laughed when she thought of who was a better influence on her; Santana and Brittany who had slept with just about every boy in school, and some of the girls, or Rachel, who until recently was a virgin. There was nothing improper about Rachel. She may have been a little selfish, especially when it came to Glee, but other than that, Rachel had always been a good person with a kind heart. She was always there for Quinn, even when she knew she didn't deserve it.

"Rachel's a good person," Quinn replied, smiling as she thought of her, "If you really knew her and if you really knew me at all, you'd realize that she's too good for me."

Quinn was finished with the conversation, she knew her mother would want to reply with another remark, starting another fight, but Quinn didn't care. Simple fact was, although she had spent the past few years believing Rachel was beneath her, she was realizing now how wrong she had been. Rachel was too good for her.

She turned away from her mother and ran up the stairs, heading straight towards the bathroom and shutting the door behind her. She looked at herself in the mirror and almost laughed. Her short blond hair was tossed wildly around her head and she could see dark purple hickeys colouring the nap of her neck. She wondered how her mother could have possibly miss them, but then decided it was more likely she had seen them and was afraid to ask about them. She wasn't really her mother anymore and she certainly wasn't in any condition to involve herself in real parenting.

She lightly poked at the hickeys, smiling to herself as she recalled the passionate night they had spent together, and the night before that. The memories were intoxicating, almost better than alcohol. Almost.

She pulled the hoodie and camisole over her head and tossed them in the corner beside the bathtub, admiring the new hickeys that were revealed on her breasts and stomach. Rachel was definitely into marking and biting, which was perfect for Quinn as she loved it just as much. She never thought that seeing the marks made by her would turn her on this much. When Puck or Finn had left a mark on her flawless body she had been so angry, she hated feeling like she belonged to them, but belonging to Rachel felt right. She knew Rachel was wearing similar marks, that they both owned each other, and she loved it.

She started the shower and stripped off the rest of her clothing, revealing more marks on her inner thighs. She ripped the bandages off her knee and wrist before stepping under the hot stream of water and sighed into the warmth. She stood there unmoving for a moment, hands pressed against the cool tile as the water splashed onto her face and shoulders and rolled down her body. The feeling was delicious and she closed her eyes, imagining that warmth was caused by Rachel's naked body pressed up against her back with her soft arms wrapped around her waist. She could feel Rachel's delicate fingers tickling the lines of her hip bones as they teased their way to her centre.

"Fuck," Quinn swore aloud, pressing her forehead against the tile and trying to shake the image from her mind. How much she would've given at that moment to have Rachel in that shower with her. She took a deep breath and opened her eyes, turning the taps for a cooler temperature.

She washed herself off, taking care to gently clean her wounds, and then stepped out of the shower, briefly towelling off her hair before wrapping it around her and going to her bedroom.

Her room was still a mess. There was dried blood still on her bed from her misguided attempt to feel something and the bottle of rye was already calling to her from its perch on her desk. She so badly wanted to drink it. Maybe a few sips would be okay. Maybe Rachel wouldn't even notice. She knew that she would though, and even if she didn't she would feel guilty about it. Not only that, but she also didn't trust herself enough to stop after a few sips. She didn't usually stop until the bottle was empty.

Turning away from the bottle, she pulled the dirty sheets from her bed and tossed them in her laundry hamper, replacing them with clean ones from her closet. Then she let the towel fall to the floor and collapsed naked onto her bed, wishing it was six-thirty, when Rachel promised she'd come by. She looked at the clock on her night table, which read three o'clock, and groaned. It was too long to wait without drinking. She couldn't even remember the things she used to do to pass the time before she had started drinking.

Suddenly she heard the familiar chime of her phone, telling her she had a text, and she realized she had no idea where it was. In all the excitement the night before, she hadn't taken it with her to Rachel's. In fact, she couldn't remember looking at it since she had slipped it into the pocket of the cutoffs she had worn to the party.

She saw the shorts still pooled on the floor by her desk, when Rachel had slipped them off her hips, and took a few steps across the room to pick them up. She felt her phone in the pocket and fished it out, falling back onto her bed before flipping it open.

Quinn gasped as she read the screen; 7 missed calls, 4 voice mail messages and 10 unread text messages. All the calls were from Santana and she decided to listen to her voice mail messages first before checking her texts.

"_Q, what the hell! Tina tells me you just left the party with the dwarf? Are you like sick or something? Or brain dead? Call me now."_

"_Just want to make sure you got home alright and Berry's not holding you hostage in her sparkly Barbie dungeon of crazy. So, call me."_

"_Q, seriously. I'm starting to get worried about you. Just call me, please."_

"_Should I be sending an ambulance? Did you finally drink yourself to death? God, I knew I should've given you shit for suddenly becoming an alcoholic. I should've thrown a fucking intervention. You better not be dead or I will go all Lima Heights on your fucking ass. No joke."_

Quinn was near tears as the last message ended. The truth was too real. She was an alcoholic, just like her mother. In the back of her mind, she had known all along, but no one had called her that, and hearing her best friend call her one hurt a lot. No matter how truthful it was.

She gave her texts a quick scan through and all but one were the same type of message as the voice mails from Santana. The last, the one she had just received, was a text from Brittany telling her that Santana was too upset to talk to her anymore and begged Quinn to just send a message saying she was alright.

Not too many people were aware of just how emotional Santana was because she was so busy putting up a bitch front. Truth was, Santana cared a lot about her friends and the people around her, especially all her fellow Glee members, even Rachel. Santana may have spent most of her time berating Rachel and insulting her, but Quinn could recall one night just before their trip to New York, after a few too many drinks despite their pledge to Mr. Schue, when Santana had opened up to her. They had been sitting on Quinn's couch, doing a line of shots, when they both slammed down their last shot and Santana licked her lips after she had downed the alcohol.

"You know," Santana had said, hesitantly, staring at the empty shot glasses, "I like Rachel."

"What," Quinn gasped, she wasn't sure if the alcohol had made her delusional or if she was hearing things, but she could not believe the words Santana had spoke.

Santana looked over at Quinn's wide eyes and laughed, giving her a playful shove on the shoulder, "Not like that, Q, gross. I mean, I respect her, you know? She's actually pretty talented and some of her ideas aren't half bad. She's kinda normal when she's not obsessing about how talented she is or talking about Broadway. I guess I just kinda admire her ambition. She knows what she wants and she's not going to let anything stop her."

Quinn was pretty sure her eyes had popped out of her head as she listened to Santana talk. She wasn't sure if Santana had ever spoken kindly and that long about anyone other than Brittany before. For it to be Rachel that she was speaking of, she was certain that hell was freezing over right that moment.

"Are you feeling alright, San," Quinn asked, pressing her hand to Santana's forehead, which Santana swiftly knocked away and rolled her eyes. "I know you had a lot to drink, but even so."

"I know," Santana shrugged, "It's not like me. Sometimes I wish I didn't have to be such a bitch all the time."

"But you like being a bitch," Quinn stated with a chuckle.

"It does have its perks," she laughed, nodding, "But promise me something, Q."

"What's that," Quinn questioned, suspiciously.

"I see how you are, you think nobody notices, but I do. You have this way about you, you pretend to be the head bitch and you're really good at it, but I know it's an act," she paused and took her eyes off her hands in her lap to gauge Quinn's surprised reaction, before she continued, "You care about all of them, a lot. You can be so quiet, hiding in the back of Glee and reading your books, pretending you don't give a crap, but I know you're watching everyone. You're interpreting their actions and emotions to every comment and making sure that they're all okay."

Quinn's mouth dropped, she never thought anyone noticed her secret. She did care about every single one of the Glee members, even though she would never admit it, "You're drunk, San, and you're not making any sense."

Santana shook her head and laughed, "I am drunk, but I know what I'm talking about."

"Whatever," Quinn sighed, wanting to get off this topic as quickly as possible, "What's the promise?"

"Make sure I don't hurt her too bad," Santana said nervously, her eyes falling back to her fidgeting hands, "I know I can push her too far sometimes and she's the only one that I really rag on that bad. I just don't want to hear about Berry offing herself because of some comment that I said that didn't even mean anything."

Quinn had taken Santana's hand in hers and gave it an assuring squeeze, "We both know Rachel would never let anyone push her that far, she's too stubborn."

"Do we," Santana asked and she looked back up with Quinn as she shrugs, "You hear about all this teen suicide because of bullying and we're the bullies, Q. We're the ones pushing these people and even knowing that I can't stop, because I'm afraid that if I do, I'll lose everything that I've worked so hard for. I like being popular, Quinn. I know that's so messed up."

"I get it," Quinn replied softly and threw an arm around Santana's shoulders, pulling her in to a side hug, "Popularity is a dangerous thing."

"You don't need to become friends with Berry or anything," Santana replied and, sensing things had gotten too emotional, she shrugged Quinn's arm from her shoulders, "just watch her and make sure she's okay."

"I don't think you're asking the right person," Quinn said, rolling her eyes at the thought of watching Rachel, the girl that Finn just broke up with her for, again. They didn't really have the best track record.

Santana let out a short laugh and said, "I know I am."

Quinn hadn't known what she meant by that, but she had promised to watch over her anyway. It was an easy promise, since she had already been doing just that, while watching everyone else too of course.

Now, lying back on her bed, she didn't really feel like getting into a conversation with Santana. She felt like there were too many questions that would be demanded of her if they spoke over the phone, and she didn't trust herself to lie well enough and convince Santana.

_Sorry S. Lost track of my phone. I'm fine and Berry did not kidnap me. She was 2 drunk 2 stay at the party the other nite so I took a cab with her and made sure she got home alrite. The party was 2 much 4 me._

She felt like that was sufficient enough. It wasn't all a lie and nothing else really needed to be said. She tossed her phone on to the night table beside her and looked at the clock again, which read three-thirty-two. She sighed and went to her dresser, pulling a pair of black boy shorts and matching bra from the drawers. She slipped them on and headed towards her closet, looking over her clothes as she tried to decide what to wear. She decided to leave that decision for later and was about to turn away when something shiny on the floor caught her eye. It was buried in the back of her closet, but she instantly remembered what it was. She bent over the things in its way and fished out the basket. She placed it on the floor beside her closet and smiled as she looked at it.

It was the sex basket that that Santana had bought for her as a joke at her baby shower over a year ago. Santana had told her if she had just taken care of her needs on her own to begin with, she wouldn't be in this mess.

She never opened it. She had blushed so red when she got it and then hid it in the back of her closet where it had stayed. Now, she ripped open the cellophane to see what she could use on her sex adventures with Rachel tonight and was ecstatic to find all the things she could possibly ever want, and some things she never knew she did.

She set some things out on her night table and lied back down on her bed, fantasizing about Rachel and all the things she was planning on doing to her.

Rachel wasn't going to know what hit her.


End file.
